


It Chapter Two Was Homophobic: How It Should've Gone

by elektrolizardprince



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Blood and Injury, Coming Out, Deadlights (IT), Eddie Kaspbrak Gets Divorced, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, The movie ending is an AU shh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:55:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23723449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elektrolizardprince/pseuds/elektrolizardprince
Summary: "No one who dies here ever really dies..."Or in which the end of IT (2019) was just what Richie saw when he was stuck in the deadlights, here's what really happened. Eddie woke Richie up á la benverly in the first one, They all got out alive, Richie came out to his friends, and asked Eddie to go back to LA with him.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 10
Kudos: 79





	It Chapter Two Was Homophobic: How It Should've Gone

**Author's Note:**

> THIS STORY TALKS IN DETAIL ABOUT EDDIE'S DEATH IN THE MOVIE. However it's just what Richie saw in the deadlights, but it's still pretty graphic in this.
> 
> TW for internalized homophobia, blood, and death
> 
> I'll probably write a chapter two of this, post divorce and Richie asks Eddie to date him, they get a dog, etc.
> 
> Find me on Twitter (18+ only) @transrtozier

Richie steeled himself, pursing his lips together. They were about to jump, or rather climb, down into the belly of the beast. The end of it all. They were going to finish this. 

Eddie froze, staring down the pit Bev had just dropped into. 

"I can't do this. I'm sorry, I… I can't." He pulled his inhaler from his pocket, taking a pull from it with shaky hands. "If I go down there, I'll just freeze up again and… I'll get you all killed. I can't-"

"Hey, hey, hey." Richie put his hands on the other man's shoulders, trying to ground him before he seriously panicked. 

Eddie shoved back, breath wheezing on the inhale. "Don't. Just don't, Rich, I can't fucking do this."

"Listen to me." He caught Eddie's arm. "You had a moment."

"Yeah, a moment of clarity! You saw how I couldn't fucking help you back there. Stan's fucking spider head almost killed you!" Eddie frowned, trepidation still burning away in his chest as he yanked his arm away again. 

"Fuck, Eds, you got scared! We were all scared! I just watched one of my best friends try to maul my fucking face off, you think I want to be here? We have to do this. We don't have a choice." He moved in again, grabbing Eddie's wrists. He rubbed soothing circles against the skin. "You can do this, okay? Listen to me, Who killed a psychotic clown before he was fourteen?"

Eddie swallowed. "Me."

Richie slipped his hands up, taking his shoulders again. "Who stabbed Bowers with a knife he pulled out of his own face?"

"Also me."

"Who married a woman ten times his body mass?" He chuckled, even though he hated to think about it. He just needed Eddie to calm down, get out of his head.

"Me." Eddie's voice grew more confident each time he spoke, and Richie smiled. 

"Yeah, you. You're braver than you think. Are you with me?"

Eddie considered that for a moment and nodded. "Thanks, Rich."

"We'll live, okay? We got this. Together." 

Their eyes locked for a moment, and something between them shifted. They were the last two to go down, there was no audience, no prying or curious eyes, just the two of them, and now Richie was the nervous one.

"Eddie, I…" He paused, thinking over his words. Richie's usually sharp tongue and quick words had picked a hell of a time to falter. "There's something I should've told you years ago. I..." How the hell could he admit this right now? When was there ever going to be a better time? He'd waited so long, who knows what'll happen?

Fuck it.

Leap of faith. 

Let's do this. 

"I love you." He pulled his hands off his shoulders and dropped his eyes, taking a half step back. He trusted Eddie with every fiber of his being, but instinct was instinct at this point. "No, I'm in love with you. I always have been. Since we were kids. I figured now would be the last chance to say something, y'know, if anything happens I don't want to die without telling you after all these years-"

"Richie. Stop." Eddie's sharp voice cut him off and he winced.

He froze up when Eddie moved, a million doomsday scenarios racing through his head. _This is it. He's gonna hate me. Fuck, I wouldn't blame him if he punched my teeth in._ He wasn't paying too much attention when Eddie reached forward and cupped his jaw, guiding him down to his level. Then, everything he was worried about disappeared when Eddie actually kissed him. The moment was soft and fleeting, and Richie swore his heart skipped a beat. Eddie really was braver than he'd ever thought himself to be. 

"I love you, too."

Oh, how he had longed to hear those words. More than twenty seven fucking years. He couldn't help himself. He pulled Eddie in again, covering one of his hands with his own. He kissed him a little longer, a little deeper, like he wanted to memorize the feeling of soft lips against his own. Like he believed he could show Eddie everything he'd ever felt for him with just a touch. Like he wanted this to last forever, and then do it all over again. 

Time could not allow that, though. They were on a mission, and no confession could put a stop to it. 

Richie found himself breathing a little harder when they broke apart. He just… couldn't believe it. He smiled wide at Eddie, taking his hands. "Let's go kill this son of a bitch, okay? Together."

"Together."

… … … 

The fight wasn't going like any of them expected. It was definitely nothing like it had been 27 years ago. That had felt quick, almost easy, yet still the hardest thing the losers had ever done.

This time, they were being chased through a cavern- had it always been this big? This couldn't have been where they were before- and Pennywise seemed to be everywhere at once. 

Behind them, in front of them, beside them, in their heads… he couldn't have gotten stronger, could he?

They got split up after they'd reached the main cavern where Pennywise waited. Ben and Bev climbed through a tunnel, Richie and Eddie dove through another, Bill ended up on his own, and Mike was stranded, hiding in the same cavern as the monster they'd come to kill. 

It paused, staring in Richie and Eddie's direction as they stood at the mouth of their tunnel.

"Oh, shit!"

"... Can he see us?" Eddie breathed. 

The monster charged, bending low to open its mouth on level with their heads. Yes, it could see them. 

"Oh, my God."

"Shit. Oh, shit.

"Holy shit!"

"Holy _shit!_ Run!"

Richie and Eddie shouted over each other, pushing themselves down the tight corridor. Pennywise's… fucking tentacle? snapped behind them, jagged teeth trying to catch on jackets, shirttails, legs, anything it could reach, but luckily they were just far enough ahead to be out of reach. The passage opened up into a little room with three doors, and the tentacle behind them found the end of its line, snapping uselessly but still trying nonetheless. 

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!" Richie groaned, glancing behind him to be sure that fucking arm thing wouldn't grab him.

"We're trapped… where do we go?"

"Goddamnit!"

The doors in front of them were labeled "Not Scary At All," "Scary," and "Very Scary." Just like they had been for Richie 27 years ago. 

"Uh…" Eddie couldn't freeze, they were safe for now, they just had to get through. He took a deep breath. "Alright. 'Not scary at all,' right?" He reached for the doorknob. 

"No, no, no," Richie moved quickly, shoving Eddie's hand away. 

"What? Why?"

"They're flipped." They had been all those years ago. "He's fucking with us." He was always fucking with them, right?

"Are you sure?!"

"Trust me."

Richie moved to the far right door, Eddie at his back. It… looked like an empty closet inside. With a light string and everything. Confused, Richie pulled it. 

"Where's my shoe?" A voice called, the first sign that something was up. Goddamnit. They heard some kind of tapping, real quiet and getting louder.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Out of the dark, two legs danced toward them, which really wasn't too threatening, but in all fairness they'd seen far too much shit today. Richie just slammed the door shut. Nope. Not today. No thanks. 

"You told me to trust you!"

"Okay, he's not fucking with us."

Eddie scrubbed a hand over his face. This was getting out of hand. "Let's just go to 'not scary at all.'"

".... okay."

This time Eddie opened the door, and he was about to let Richie pull ahead when they noticed a… dog. 

"Oh, shit." Why the fuck did he have to make the stupid dog joke? Really? What the fuck. "No way am I falling for this shit again." Richie grumbled, glaring daggers at the little orange dog.

"No, yeah, that thing's a fucking monster. Richie, make it sit."

He shot him a confused glance, but again, they didn't exactly have any options. He turned his attention back to the dog thing. It probably wasn't a dog. "I know your moves, you little bitch."

There was a crash behind them somewhere, and the arm thing was nowhere in sight when they turned. What the fuuuuuck. 

"Rich?" 

"... It's gone, man." He put his arm out as Eddie moved to investigate, keeping him there. "Wait." One thing at a time. Richie turned his glare back on the dog. "Sit."

It sat. 

"He did it!"

"Oh no, that's cute." Fuck.

"That's a good boy!" Eddie cooed, as if somehow forgetting the situation they were in. 

"That's actually super cute." Goddamnit.

"That's a good boy!" 

Richie also seemed to forget the moment, baby talking at the dog too. Maybe it was actually a real dog? "Are you a good boy?" 

"Good boy!" 

"... We should get a dog." 

"Yeah, I'm on board with that."

In that moment, the dog changed, standing up on two legs and coming at them. It's skin turned mottled black and it's mouth came unhinged, oh, and it was suddenly as tall as they were.

"SHIT." Richie slammed the door shut, again, heart pounding. That one was actually scary. Kind of. Definitely more threatening than legs. What the fuck. This movie is a mess. 

"Okay, next time?" Eddie pulled Richie with him, starting back through the tunnel again. "Let's just go with regular 'Scary.'"

"Next time?!"

Richie rolled his eyes and walked on, a matter of steps in front of Eddie.

In the cavern, Mike was in trouble. Richie couldn't see Bev or Ben anywhere, but Mike had just pulled It's attention off of Bill, and now he was wrapped up and staring down the business end of Pennywise's man-eating mouth. He moved before he could think, plucking the biggest rock he could hold in one hand and throwing it with all his might. Anything to give his friend a fighting chance again. The monster turned, dropping Mike, almost confused about being hit with a rock but furious nonetheless.

"Hey fuck face! Wanna play truth or dare? Well, here's a truth, you're a sloppy bitch!" He shouted, aiming to launch another stone at the demon. "You wanna dance? Well, Yippee ki yay, motherf-!!"

Everything slowed to a crawl, moving like a shitty stop motion picture in real time with equally terrible lighting as he felt the ground fall away beneath his feet. His vision turned into a haze of white hot fire, like the lights themselves were burning his essence out of him through his eyes. Static filled his ears, a droning, heavy sound, numbing what left he could sense of the real world around him. All he knew in that moment was pain and suffering.

"-- Beep beep, motherfucker!"

Eddie.

Richie swore he remembered hitting the ground awake. In excruciating pain, but awake. The wind had been knocked out of him, not that there was much to begin with after his escapades into the lights. He hadn't seen Eddie come to his rescue, chucking a goddamn fence spire into its throat. In fact, he was almost too dazed to remember anything immediately after he hit the ground. 

Eddie had been so excited when It fell away, crashing into the center of the room. "Holy shit! Rich!!" He cried. "Oh, Rich!" He dropped down in front of him in his glee. "Hey, Rich, wake up!" He was all smiles, grabbing Richie by the shoulders.

He blinked to make his eyes focus. "... Hey."

"Yeah, yeah! There he is! Hey, Richie, listen! I think I got it! I think I killed it! For real this time!" They'd been granted a moment by the universe, whatever the hell was out there watching them. Eddie leaned over him, arms braced at his sides, and looked him over. He leaned down and kissed him once when he'd decided Richie was okay, then once again before he sat back to get him to his feet again. 

"I'm so glad you're okay, Rich, I was so worried. And look, I fucking got it!" He clasped their hands together and tugged him to sit up.

The next moments were clear and vivid and seared in Richie's brain. They probably would be for the rest of his life. 

Richie didn't see it coming, and he sure as shit couldn't do anything to stop it. There was a sickening crack of bone and a tear of flesh and that damned claw… bore a hole straight through Eddie's midsection. Richie could taste blood, could see blood covering his glasses. Neither of them could speak. Neither of them could move. They stared awestruck at each other for the painful eternity of a second before Eddie coughed, blood dripping over his lip and down his chin. 

"R-richie?"

_Eddie._

He reached for him, as if pulling him into his arms would fix this, make it all go away. This couldn't be happening.

It's screeching laugh filled the cavern and Eddie was ripped away from his wanting arms. He felt his world start to crumble, Eddie's limp body being waved through the air on that fucking monster's… 

Things started getting patchy in his mind. He remembered grabbing Eddie again, discarded like he was nothing more than a broken toy thrown into one of the caves dotting the outside of the cavern. He wasn't paying attention to self preservation, scraping and climbing after Eddie. He clearly remembered that wound, seeing straight through to his back through a haze blood and shredded sinew. He remembered pulling his jacket off, pressing it against Eddie's stomach like he could stop the bleeding. He didn't have a choice. Eddie groaned in pain, staring weakly at his face. 

"Richie…" He murmured, breath labored and chest… well, Richie was surprised he could speak. 

"I'm here. I'm right next to you, I'm not going anywhere." He promised, leaning in to hear him better. 

"I gotta tell you something…" His voice cracked under the strain and Richie winced. "I love you. I've always loved you, I just… never had the guts to say anything. And then I…" He coughed weakly.

"... forgot." Richie finished for him, "It's okay. I love you, now and forever."

"Please don't leave me…" He mumbled, tears starting to roll down his cheeks. "It hurts."

He kept talking to him, and to the rest of the losers as they gathered around them, but he couldn't remember anything he'd said after that. He couldn't remember if Eddie said anything else. He couldn't…

They moved him, through a tunnel and back out to the other side of the cavern. The other three losers moved without them, pulling It's attention away. Richie's heart caught in his throat, blocking his airways and making him gasp for breath. Oh god, he could not panic. He turned to Eddie, cupping the uninjured side of his face in one hand. "Hey." He started, desperate to say anything to keep his attention. 

"Richie? I gotta…" He coughed weakly. "I gotta tell you something."

"What? What's up, buddy? Anything."

"I don't want to lose you." He caught Richie's eyes, hand settling over the one still pressed to his stomach. "I love you, Richie."

"I love you, t-"

"Losers!" Mike called. "Out!"

The other three had backed Pennywise into a corner, and it… looked almost afraid. They were shouting, calling that damned thing for what it was. A clown. A loser. A bully. A mummy. 

"A leper!" Eddie shouted, using what was probably the last of his strength.

"A stupid fucking clown!" 

He turned his attention to Eddie again. "Wait for me. Please." 

He remembered leaving him. Leaving Eddie's side. Why did he do that?! He remembered Mike pulling the still beating heart out of Pennywise's shriveled chest. He so clearly remembered crushing it to shreds, the feeling of his fingernails breaking through the meat of the thing, It's last pitiful sounds... but yet he couldn't remember Eddie's. 

Why did he ever leave his side? Why did he think for even a fraction of a millisecond that killing that fucking monster was more important than keeping the love of his life with him? Why did he trade Eddie Kaspbrak for the destruction of Pennywise?

As soon as It was dead he rushed back to Eddie's side, collapsing beside him and desperately calling his name. Eddie's eyes were glassy and his mouth hung open, blood starting to dry on his chin already. He remembered pleading, hoping that he could change the truth by simply saying something else. Like he could bring Eddie back to life by sheer force of will through his broken words. He'd pressed their foreheads together, hands resting at the back of his neck as the tears started to come. 

"Eddie, please… you can't go." He whimpered. 

"It's too late…" Bev hadn't heard what he said, but she knew what he was thinking. They all did. "We need to go, Richie."

"He's dead." Bill stated.

The cavern rumbled.

He remembered being dragged away from him, arms yanked back from the tight embrace he'd pulled Eddie's body into. He flailed and kicked desperately to get his feet back under him, to get back to Eddie. They could save him, he still had time, they just had to get him. They just had to. He couldn't be dead.

Richie couldn't remember the way out, but he could remember the house collapsing, himself falling right beside it, held back from the man he loved, screaming that he was still in there. 

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't see passed the tears clouding his vision. He…

"You know." Bev spoke, voice completely flat. She caught his attention immediately, and it was like he could see her clearly without blinking. 

She looked at him, but somehow it didn't seem like her.

"No one who dies here ever really dies."

He remembered everything going black, next. Did he die, too? Did he drop dead of a broken heart? Was it game over, right there on that street? 

… … … 

The losers told him he wasn't awake when he hit the ground. He had been caught in the lights, and he fell when Eddie threw that fence pole into its throat. His eyes were rolled back in his head while he watched, no, lived through his worst nightmare. It felt too real in the moment, but it quickly turned irredeemably hazy compared to… 

He knew this feeling. He remembered it well. The happy warmth of his fluttering heart shooting pure ecstasy out into the rest of his body through his chest. The gentle heat against his lips like a dream come true. The hands he'd only imagined on his body. The comfortable weight looming over him. Richie gave an almost imperceptible gasp, taking in Eddie's breath and capturing his mouth in another kiss. Again, he wanted to stay in that moment forever, cradled and loved and loving in return, but the universe still had other plans. 

"... Hey." He said lamely as Eddie pulled away. 

The cavern shook around them, a cruel reminder that they were not done just yet. 

Eddie yanked him to his feet. "We have to go, now!" 

Richie couldn't see Pennywise anymore, or any sign that the monster had been there in the first place. No body in sight, no lights, hadn't that thing been as big as this room? 

He stumbled after Eddie, and he probably would've fell if the other hadn't kept a vice grip on his arm. Something nagged at the back of Richie's mind, something terrible and painful and just out of sight, blotted out like the sun in an eclipse. He knew whatever it was came from that monster, but he couldn't put any of it together. Not that he wanted to. 

The losers raced back through the catacomb-like sewers, the ground trembling beneath their feet. They plunged through that rotted house, bursting out into broad daylight and stumbling together through unkempt grass and onto cracked sidewalks. 

Richie turned just in time to see that husk of a building fall in on itself, sinking dutifully into the dirt now that it had been defeated. 

It was over. They had survived.

"How did you know it would work?" Richie asked quietly, honestly still a little dazed from it all. "The kiss?"

"It worked for Beverly, didn't it? I had to try something." Eddie admitted. It looked like he hadn't been stabbed after all. Actually, aside from scrapes and bruises from climbing through the tunnels down there, none of the losers seemed hurt from the fight.

… … … 

Beverly was the first to dive into the quarry. Followed by Ben, Mike, Bill, and then Richie. Eddie couldn't go into the water, and resigned himself to a shady spot on the water's edge. They all washed the hell off of themselves, off each other, letting the water whisk away the second nightmare. 

"We did it!" Mike called, raising his hands in the air in victory. The losers smiled and laughed, whooping and cheering together. 

"I-I love you guys, y'know that?" Bill grinned, throwing his arm around Mike's shoulders. "Shit, bring it in, losers."

The group came together, Bill next to Mike, Ben next to him, Bev next to him, and Richie next to her, closing the circle on Bill's other side. They threw their arms around each other, smiling and laughing and pressing their heads together. "I can't believe it." Bill breathed, looking between his friends. "It's over. It's f-finally over!"

Richie was sure he wasn't the only one feeling numb after all of this, exhausted, empty, maybe. He couldn't have been. They went through so much, shit, Bev was drenched in blood when they left. 

His eyes kept drawing back to Eddie while his friends talked and cheered, and for once he couldn't bring himself to disrupt the conversation and put in his two cents. He ran his hands through his hair, wetting it back off his forehead. What was he missing? What happened while he was out? 

It seemed like his friends noticed his silence, deafening where his voice was usually the loudest. Beverly was the first to come to his side. She knew what it was like in those lights. She set a gentle hand on his arm. 

"What happened, Richie?"

"I… I don't know. I can't remember if I saw anything. I just remember waking up." He looked at her, and his face seemed to have aged ten years in that moment, even though he'd suppressed whatever he saw. "How… did you remember what you saw? At first?"

She gave him a sad look. "... No. I couldn't remember anything until I left Derry. It all came back at once, and never went away. But we killed it. For sure this time. Maybe that'll stop it."

He took a slow breath. "Man, I hope so."

"C'mere, babe." She pulled him into a hug, holding him tight for a moment. "Tell me if you need anything, Rich, seriously."

God, he had no idea how badly he needed a hug after all that. He practically melted in her arms, and he felt like he could cry. "... Thank you. I will." 

Bev kissed his cheek when she pulled away, taking his hand for a moment. "You're not alone, okay? Besides, I feel like you should probably talk to Eddie. Just… he got you out, right?" 

Richie nodded. "Right." He saw Eddie sitting on the shoreline, and if he knew him at all, he was probably griping to himself about the dirty quarry water the others were trying to wash in- unsanitary!- and fussing over his bandage. 

Bev squeezed his hand before he pulled away from her. "Rich."

He shot her one last look over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah… me too, Bev. I mean, I'm glad you're okay, too."

She let him go with a soft smile, watching him swim to the shore.

Richie found Eddie right where he thought he would, doing exactly what he expected, sitting by a tree with his jacket over his lap, digging through a little first aid kit. It was a bit bigger than a pocket, so he'd stuck it in the inside of his jacket for safekeeping.

"Hey, Eds." He pat him on the shoulder in greeting, sitting in the dirt beside him. 

He ignored the name, but the second-long glance he gave was warning enough. It was gone as fast as it came, though, and Eddie shuffled the kit closed. "Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, of course. I…" He sighed, not finding the energy to crack wise. "We lived, right?"

"Yeah. We did." Eddie reached over to take Richie's hand, setting it in his lap. "Together, like you said."

Eddie didn't ask him about the lights, or about Richie's mental state. It's not that he didn't care, it was just pretty obvious that Richie was doing what he could to hold himself together. He could talk about it when he wanted to. 

A beat of silence passed. 

"... I love you." Richie squeezed his hand. "I meant that. Everything I said down there, I meant it."

"I know, Rich. I never doubted that. And I wasn't just saying it either, I love you."

"Like… no, I mean, when I saw you at the restaurant, everything about you came back and my-"

"Heart skipped a beat, didn't it?" Eddie gave him a soft smile. "I know. Honestly, mine did too. I don't understand how I'd ever forgotten feeling like that."

Richie sniffed. Nope. Not gonna cry about it. He leaned over, pressing into Eddie's side. "Come home with me?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but he sure hoped Eddie heard him. 

The other man sighed through his nose. He'd heard him, alright. "Rich…" Fuck, this wasn't going to be simple.

Oh. Right. Richie shot up, looking anywhere but at Eddie as he pulled his hand away. "Wait. No. You're… fucking married, I missed my chance, whatever." His blood boiled in shame, and every part of him wanted to leave, run away and never be heard from again. Who would fucking care? "It's fine." _Fuck._

Eddie jumped at Richie's sudden move. "What?" Oh, fuck, he fucked up. "Richie, no, I… I want to go. With you."

"You're married!"

"And? Jesus, Rich, she's… Myra's just like my mother! I just went through the motions, I didn't have a choice, did I? I'd just… a divorce is gonna suck. That's it." 

"... Oh."

Eddie frowned. "You're such an asshole, Richie. I'm glad I love you, or I'd be fucked."

"I love you, too."

… … … 

The losers stayed another night together, trying to unwind from their hellish adventure. It almost seemed like Derry was normal again, but the definition of normal here was kinda skewed. They went out to eat again before they left, just not for Chinese food, and it was nice. Really nice. 

Richie adjusted in his seat, watching his friends share their phone numbers and addresses, Bev even made a group chat for them. Still, he kept thinking about what Pennywise had called his lie, his dirty little secret. He and Eddie hadn't said anything to the others, and the only plan they had was to just get to LA first. 

_Hell, if Eddie… I mean, he took it so well, right? The others wouldn't hate him for it if Eddie was okay with it. Right? He couldn't lose his friends, but wouldn't it be better to let them know? What are the chances that they'd get mad over it? Fuck, they'd always had his back. Always._

Eddie noticed that Richie was stuck in his head again, the man was staring off into space and absently picking at his fingers. Bev gave him a worried look across the table, but she knew Richie well enough to know he wouldn't want a spectacle about this. About whatever was going on in his head. Eddie reached over to rub his shoulder, but the move caught the attention of the others and the conversation stopped. 

"Richie? You alright?" Ben spoke up. 

He blinked. Oh fuck, did I say something? "Huh?" Shit, everyone was staring at him. 

"Are you doing okay, man?" Mike asked, concern written over his features. They all knew about the deadlights.

"What? Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You zoned out, Rich." Eddie pat his shoulder again. 

"... what were you thinking about?" Bill asked. 

Richie frowned, glancing between each of his friends. "Uh. I keep remembering something that, uh… y'know, Pennywise said something and it's getting to me, I guess."

"Pennywise was a liar," Mike started. "We know that. Whatever it is, it can't be true."

"No, no, uh, he actually made a point. Ridiculous, I know, but… I'm really thinking I should just get it out, y'know?" Anxiety boiled in his chest, fiery hot and terrifying. He never thought he could do this. He'd thought about it before, obviously, but… it was still terrifying regardless. He took a deep breath. 

"He called it my dirty little secret, but it's not really dirty is it?" He reached for Eddie's free hand under the table. "I'm uh…" Fuck, why was it so hard? "I'm gay." 

It was out. The floodgates were breached. All he could do was wait. 

Part of him imagined disgust. The same hate and belittling he'd seen as a kid. His friends turning on him, calling him a freak and a monster, disgusting, gross, evil, a sinner… The rest of him told that part to shut up. His friends deserved better than that. 

"You're right, Richie." Bev spoke up first. She always had his back. Oh, how he adored her. "There's nothing wrong with that. At all." She got up from her seat, moving to Richie's side and hugging him. "Love you, Rich. Always."

"Yeah, man," Mike followed Bev's lead, getting up to hug him, too. "You have nothing to worry about. I mean, not to steal your thunder or anything, but I'm gay too, you're not alone." 

"I'm proud of you, Richie." Bill grinned. "I can't imagine how hard that must've been… I mean, knowing how people were here. We've all got your back, okay?" 

Ben was the last to speak. "That doesn't change anything about you, Richie, not to me. I still love you, man."

Bev's hug had turned into a group activity, Mike, Eddie, Bill, and Ben all came to his side, all of them told him they loved him, and maybe Richie cried a little bit. Richie needed this. And now he knew he would always have his friends. 

Later, after Richie and Eddie sorted out their rental car situations, they were on the road to Bangor, where Richie had a flight back to LA. Of course, Eddie made the executive decision to come along, I mean, a few more days away from home wouldn't hurt. He'd just tell his wife he was hanging around his friends a little longer. Which was true.

Richie pulled over on the bridge outside of town. "Hey, Eds, can I show you something?" 

"Uh, sure." He raised an eyebrow. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing, just come on, will you?" He pulled off his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. The wood enforced railing was the same as it was all those years ago, maybe a little more termite eaten, but still the same. He turned on the flashlight on his phone and looked for something.

"What are you… wait, is this the old kissing bridge, Rich?" Eddie asked as he got out of the car. 

"... So what if it is?" He found what he was looking for, a scratchy **R + E** carved into the wood. "Come on, Eddie." 

Richie pulled his pocket knife and settled on his knees in front of his old carving. 

"What the fuck, Rich," Eddie moved to his side. "You're not gonna put our names now-" oh. He crouched down to look at the railing, at all the initials and names, but most importantly, his and Richie's. "When… When did you do that?"

He gave him a small smile. "We were thirteen." He used his knife to deepen the **R + E**. "I loved you then, but I couldn't just say something. Not when your mom and I were-"

He laughed when Eddie punched his shoulder.

"No, really, the end of that summer, I just kind of hoped that I could have this, y'know?"

Eddie's face softened. "Yeah, well, better late than never, right?"

Richie snorted. "I mean, yeah, you're not wrong."

"C'mere." Eddie smiled, leaning in to kiss him. Man, a guy could get used to this. Richie's hand found a place on the back of his neck and he tilted his head just so to deepen the kiss.

"God, I love you." Richie breathed between kisses. "... but my knees are killing me. Gravel isn't very nice." He toyed with Eddie's hair between his fingers. "Please, feel free to continue to make out with me when we're back in the car." 

He had to laugh at that, sitting back. "Yeah, okay, fine, Richie, let's go." Honestly, his knees hurt this entire time, too. Eddie pulled himself to his feet first, offering his hand to Richie.

"Thanks, babe." Richie grinned, using his momentum to pull Eddie into a quick kiss once he was on his feet. 

"Let's get home, Tozier." He jokingly pushed him back, definitely trying to ignore the fact that 'babe' had gotten him a little flustered. 

… … … 

It really figured that home for Famous Comedian Richie Tozier was somewhere outside of Los Angeles. I mean, the guy's got something going for him, right? Sure, he still lived pretty modestly, like most anyone else, but he still had a pretty nice slice of life carved out for himself. 

Eddie decided to start the divorce process on his own in Los Angeles, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Myra right away. All she knew then was that Eddie needed a few days with his friends. Which was true, except most of his friends had gone home to their own lives, and he was staying with Richie.

Richie. The man he loved, whether he remembered him or not, and boy did he remember him now. The more time they spent together, and the more time passed after the death of Pennywise, the more their childhoods started to piece back together. 

Richie. The man who was there for him when he decided to uproot his life. The man who gave him a place to plant down again. The man who was always by his side. 

Richie was there for him when he decided it was time to tell her. Eddie had finalized his case with a lawyer, though he had no idea if Myra would even put up a fight on this. She loved him, sure, but Eddie couldn't tell if it was real. It wasn't to him, anyway. All of it, the last ten years of their lives, had felt superficial and slapped together.

… … …


End file.
